To Remind Myself...

From Rising Strong by Brené Brown...

I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can't have both. Not at the same time.
Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage. 
A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor. They just hurl mean-spirited criticisms and put-downs from a safe distance. The problem is, when we stop caring what people think, we lose our ability to connect. But when we're defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you're not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback. 
When we own our stories, we avoid being trapped as characters in stories someone else is telling. 
Once we fall in the service of being brave, we can never go back. We can rise up from our failures, screwups, and falls, but we can never go back to where we stood before we were brave or before we fell. Courage transforms the emotional structure of our being. This change often brings a deep sense of loss. During the process of rising, we sometimes find ourselves homesick for a place that no longer exists. We want to go back to that moment before we walked into the arena, but there's nowhere to go back to. What makes this more difficult is that now we have a new level of awareness about what it means to be brave. We can't fake it anymore. We now know when we're showing up and when we're hiding out, when we are living our values and when we are not. Our new awareness can also be invigorating - it can reignite our sense of purpose and remind us of our commitment to wholeheartedness. Straddling the tension that lies between wanting to go back to the moment before we risked and fell and being pulled forward to even greater courage is an inescapable part of rising strong. 
If we're going to risk engaging, we're going to experience disappointment. 


There is a house in Oklahoma City that just went from "Active" to "Pending" on the MLS. We are the reason for the pending. I am pinching myself and doing my best to stay low-key excited. I never thought I'd ever in a hundred bajillion years buy a house without setting foot in it first. Jake's parents face-timed us through on Saturday. I still feel like owning a home should be so far off, but everything that's happening means our lives are transitioning out of grad school.

Inspections are next week. Two car garage, basement (this is big time in OK to also serve as a storm shelter), yard with so many possibilities, front porch, original tile in two of the bathrooms, original doors and hardware, ridiculous closet space for an old home (built in 1938 - Dot could technically be her/his mother), and more than three-times as big as our grad housing apartment. So many more floors to clean. So much more space.

We couldn't swing our beloved Mesta Park this time around because the market continues to balloon, but I'm hopeful I'll quickly feel cozy in our new 'hood (knocking on wood that all goes smooth to closing). We'll be one block away from one of Jake's cousins and his sweet family. That is rad.

This is happening.



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