Golden Leaves

There is a tree outside of our kitchen window that I've been meaning to take a picture of. It's the perfect fall tree with red, orange and gold leaves. At about 4:15 on Monday morning, I heard it come crashing down. We had a lovely icestorm that knocked out our electricity at about 9:00 on Monday morning. It's still out. Yesterday evening there were 220,000 people in OKC without power. According to my calculations, there are still over 100,000 ( Our area got hit the hardest and I think it's because we have the most trees ;). Trees do not win against ice. Their boughs and branches crack and split and shatter when they hit the ground. There's a house on the corner that I've never seen before because of all the growth around it...I can see plenty of it today. We drove down to OU so Jake could take his one and only final. It's weird to be in a heated environment after spending yesterday and this morning piled under blankets. Last night Jake and I lit the few candles that we had and played games...Speed and Chess. Then we read more of A Christmas Carol with flashlights. I do love electricity, but its been kind of nice not having it.

I wish I were brave enough to throw my television away.

Pumpkin Pie

I love pumpkin pie! I ate a bunch of it on Thanksgiving and over the weekend, but it wasn't enough. I made another one tonight. I also made a double batch of salsa last night. Mmm, salsa is my favorite food....even though pumpkin pie and salsa being mentioned so close together is kind of making me gag. ;)

I was so tired today at school. I went to bed much later than I should have. I am counting down the weeks to Christmas Break. I feel just like a student still. 19 school days left.

On my way to work this morning I saw the saddest thing. There was a small white dog lying at the side of the road. He had a faithful friend, almost a twin, who was circling around him. It broke my heart. I had to call Jake before I got to school so I wouldn't cry. I've been getting increasingly more emotional. I've really been doing so well. Pregnancy has made me much more calm. I'm more patient...I don't let things get under my skin much...but I have such an increased sentimentality. Lately the cause of freely flowing tears has been the thought of Jake not being around. It's not worry over what I would do as far as survival/finances go...but who would I talk to? And who would ever understand me the way he does? I think that's a pretty common thing to experience during pregnancy, but it's so consuming. I try to refocus my thoughts when I feel the water works coming on. I never thought I could feel love so much...and I know it will only continue to grow. I am so blessed. Blessed feels like such an understatement. I can't imagine having a better marriage. I thank God everyday for Jake.

Oklahoma Rising

I have so much to say today...maybe. I've been thinking about a lot anyway.

First, on Monday I went to hear Edward Albee speak. He had a lot of great things to say. Part of it was overshawdowed by something I witnessed while I was there. I call it middle class ignorance. Four college students came in right before it started: 3 boys, 1 girl. The girl had a laptop. The girl was talking almost the whole time to the boys on either side of her...they were talking back. She was working on a paper on her computer. Just a bunch of talking and laughing, and here's this man who really has something to say and they weren't paying any attention. I'm sure a good intentioned professor offered some extra credit, but it was ridiculous. I teach in a school where everyday it's work to force eyes open. Here are students in college who get the opportunity to listen to new ideas, and they were acting like my freshman. I was a bit ashamed of my generation. Part of that feeling was probably a story on Sunday Morning. It was talking about how we're the coddled generation. As "we" go out into the workforce, management teams are having to find a new approach because "we" cannot be reprimanded. We've grown up with only rewards. "Everyone is a winner." I wish that was true...that it even could be true. It can be, but it's up to individuals, and until they're ready, it's not going to happen. I suppose the part that bothers me is that we're lumped together. I'm the same as those four students in the great generational clumping. Hmmm, I hope that made sense.

Thanksgiving is less than a week away...YES! I feel like I've been patient...especially since I've been really wanting it to get here since August. We're going to eat at noon. I figure that if I pace myself just right, I might be able to eat all day long. I'm going to try anyway. I have the perk of stretchy pants and everything! I can't wait to see how it goes.

Today is Oklahoma's centennial. They wrote a song to celebrate it called Oklahoma Rising. That song has been playing over and over again, and I think it's probably permanently stuck in my head. There's a fun, deep sort of pride here in this state. I like it. And I don't think it's just an overcompensation because there aren't any mountians ;).

Cora moves all the time. I found something I like about myself....Every time I wake up, my hand is on my tummy. I don't know if it's because she's moving on the inside and it's a natural reaction, like when someone tickles your nose when you're asleep. Or if it's just us bonding. She has patterns now. I know when she's awake and asleep. She's always awake around 3:00 AM...I'm hoping I can convince her otherwise when she gets here. It never ceases to amaze me that back in June she was microscopic, now she's a little mini human being with all of her parts. I wonder how weird it will be when she goes from being on the inside to being here. Even though she's just under a few layers of tissue, it's almost like she's in another world.

I couldn’t hold out any longer...

I bought Cora some clothes for the first time. I went to Target with good intentions. I'd heard a rumor that diapers were on sale. They weren't. Wipes were, but I don't want to stock up on anything that could completely irritate her skin. So as I made my way through the baby things I came across the clearance rack. Yep...I did. There were some onsies that I saw right after we found out she was officially a girl, and I fell in LOVE with them. They were in the "Spring" section for babies coming around when Cora is (who smart to reserve a little section of clothes for the appropriate season for wandering pregnant women to stumble across). I was so good and didn't get a single one. Today, hoever, they were on sale. I could not resist. I bought 5! They were only $2.78 each. I bought two in newborn, two in 3 months, and 1 in 6 months. Those sizes will carry her through the summer, unless she's gigantic. I'm hoping for a 6 pounder in the beginning. That would be nice. I also got a super cute jumper. It's ivory and sort of corduroy-ish with little flowers on it. Ha, I'm looking at her little section in my closet right now. It's growing and so fun! I like looking at her little footed pj's. I just got giddy...okay, now diverting my attention.

I was wondering...when I'm through being pregnant...if I'm going to remember to zip my fly. Maternity-ware takes me back back to when I was a kid and had elastic waistbands. Maybe there will be kind people who will help me through a transition stage, if one does occur.

Refried Beans

I can't get enough of them. Pintos and Cheese from Taco Bell make my day. I just made a quesadilla with RB on it. Joy? Pretty close.

I've recently discovered the Baby Body Blues. Everything is just getting bigger, by everything I mean my belly and my boobs. I would generally be very excited about the latter, but the prospect that they might never be the same again has me in sort of a mourning stage. And I don't have any stretch marks yet, not pregnancy related, but I thoroughly examine my tummy every day just in case one is trying to show up. I never thought this would be something I would think about, but when you know you're undergoing a permanent physical change...well I'm just sort of weirded out by it. Here's another thing I'm weirded out by...Did you know?...that babies, all babies, drink their amniotic fluid, it travels through their little bodies and then they urinate back out into their sac home - just to drink it all over again? Well they do. And I did, and so did you. It's fun during an ultrasound to watch their tummies grow, and then you see their kidneys appear, and then their bladder, and then it's all gone to start again.

She's moving around right now, I'm loving it. It makes me forget about my saggy fears. I love her. I think she's awesome. And I found sparkly baby shoes at Yeah, that's right, silver sparkles.

Stacia and Michael Moore - I've been reading Illusions. Thanks again.

March WHAT?!?!

I had another ultrasound done today. It was actually my second one this week (Thanks Rachel!). With all of the baby measurements (they look at four), my due date came out to March 14th!!!! That's my dream due date! Hopefully Cora will feel like it's her dream day to be born as well...unless I can talk my doctor into inducing me. That puts me at 18 weeks exactly today. She was sucking her thumb in the ultrasound. At the one on Monday she was sucking on her toes. She was also doing some serious leg flexing. And she was cramming herself into the smallest possible place in my uterus. She likes enclosed spaces too! She's great. I'm pleased with her little oddities...they let me know I'm rubbing off on her a little ;).

Grocery Shopping

I went to Wal-mart on my way home from work today. It was the most interesting trip I've ever had. I went in for V8. I haven't had any veggies in quite a while, so I thought I might try drinking them. I got sidetracked in the cereal aisle and ended up smelling the best thing ever. I was sniffing at the bags and boxes...just getting colder, then I turned around and saw the coffee! I started smelling the cans and bags and then I found it! Someone had spilled a lot of the fresh beans. I couldn't tell if they were vanilla or hazelnut, but I was smitten. I stayed there for several minutes just breathing in all of the glorious warm smell. I even laughed out loud with pleasure! When I was able to pull myself away I wandered back to see if they had any cheesecake, that's when I passed the tilapia and decided that would be great. No cheesecake, so I grabbed a bag of oreos and headed to the checkout. It was there I found a teeny-tiny bag of flamin' hot cheetos. I got those too, and started eating them before I was even out of the store. So my purchases were as follows:

flamin' hot cheetos

Pregnancy is so wonderfully weird.

Spill the Beans

We're going to have a baby. Today was amazing. I had my first ultrasound and second prenatal appointment. The ultrasound was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen.

Okay, just to clarify now: I have instinctively been calling the baby "she." We don't REALLY know what we're having yet. So my references to she and her are just me following my gut for now. I really have no preference about the sex of our baby.

I am carrying the cutest baby ever ;)! During the ultrasound she was moving all over, I call it dancing. She would surge and move and it tickled me, not literally. It made my heart happy. I could see her waving her arms around and kicking her legs about. The best part, for me, was looking at her little hands. You can actually see her fingers, ALL OF THEM! Except that she usually has her thumbs tucked. And she has a sweet little belly and a wonderfully large head. I think she has a pointy chin, I credit that to Jake. I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET HER (or him)!!! I'm giddy. After the ultrasound I met with my doctor and we listened to her heart. It sounded like standing right next to a train as it goes by. Perfect.

Aside from all of the wonderful things that happened today, I am hoping to leave the whole sickness thing behind really soon. I started throwing up pretty much right after we found out. I'll have to admit that my last blog had a great deal to do with a craving. I actually haven't had many. The very thought of food has turned my stomach. I can now think of it, but it still isn't always my friend. Instead of throwing up 3-4 times a day, I'm down to about that much per week, though I think its on its way out - I HOPE! I've put some videos on youtube. I recorded parts of the ultrasound and the heartbeat for Jake. I've watched them so many times today. Anywho, it's way passed my 9 o'clock bedtime. Yes, I'm that tired every night.

Here are the links for youtube:

The first two are different sections of the ultrasound and the last is the heartbeat and my doctor too.

I can’t wait for Thanksgiving

I want the Turkey and the cranberry sauce and the mashed potatoes and gravy. I want the pumpkin pie, which I will have to make myself, and the candied yams. I want to sit around the table and say what I'm thankful for and cry a little at the sentimentality of it all, and I want to hear what everyone is thankful for this year, and be glad that no matter the year, I'm always something that people are thankful for. I want to walk outside and breath in cold air and look at the yellow grass and leaf-less trees.


Today was a great day. Vaughn, Tracey and Parker came up and we went to the Paseo Arts Festival. We took them passed our new house, which is really close to the Paseo. I met two blind Dachshunds. One had a fun waggly tail, the other was still and his tail didn't wag at all. We went to lunch and I discovered the Iron Burger. Wow, I can still feel it. 1/2 pound of hamburger, topped with chile and sausage, yep, more meat, and some onion. Then we went to an antique store. I found a real treasure. I'd been looking at old typewriters, but they were too expensive to be practical. At the antique store I found an Underwood Champion. It's a portable typewriter from the 1930's. It usually goes for around $500. I paid about $24.00. At first I could decide if he was a boy or a girl, then Jake said Harper for a name, and I knew she was a girl and that Harper was her name. There's a site called You can look at what kind of typewriters different authors used. Harper Lee happened to use the same typewriter I have. I need to get a new ink ribbon, clean her up a bit, but overall she is beautiful. I wonder who she used to belong to. When we got home I cut Vaughn and Parker's hair. I took a little chunk out of my finger when I was cutting Parker's hair. OUCH! Oh well.

I just watched 115 people become American citizens. That's so few compared to the number who will try an try in vain to get everything worked out to gain citizenship.

A few things

Quite a lot has happened since my last blog, like me getting over the infection that was ailing me.

Graduation was a good time - including a smashing rendition of "Up, up and away" (in my beautiful balloon). I enjoyed all of the family. And my cap turned out quite nice.

I LOVE being a teacher. I'm at the best school ever. I'm waiting to hear about next year. I've had an offer there and one at the other school (Northeast Academy) that I student taught at. I really enjoy my students. They're amazing. I can't imagine being at a better school. The student body is so diverse - it's such a strength - I wish all schools could be that way. We also have a wonderful principal with a vision. I love visionaries. Tonight was their graduation. I sat with the faculty in the cap and gown I wore just a week and a half ago, in the same place I graduated from. It was so sweet. I was incredibly proud. So much potential - it's like the big bang before the bang.

Jake and I found a great new place to live. We wanted to be closer to downtown. I don't even know how many places we'd looked at. On Sunday I looked online at the classifieds and found a new listing in the perfect location. I had to control myself because I was up early and didn't want to wake anyone up. I ended up being the first person to call, and we were the first ones to see it. It was beyond my wildest dreams. Everything we'd seen that nice was so WAY beyond our budget. Everything about this place is perfect. Except for one thing, this is weird, it comes with a washer and dryer. We have our own, so we're figuring out a place to keep it. We've also been seeing if anyone wants to borrow it for the two years we're going to be in OK. We have a sort of sentimental attachment to them. Anywho - it's a duplex. We are on the top floor. There is a big balcony on the front of the building that is ours. It has hardwood floors, two bedrooms, a completely updated kitchen, and the perfect writing nook for me! Did I mention high ceilings and a beautiful fireplace, and storage under the stairs! It's the most beautiful staircase! We'll be right around the corner from a cute little park, three blocks from Edgemere Park, and about a block from the Paseo (OKC's "Arts" district)! We're going to move in June 15th-ish. All right, that's enough for now.

I'm excited about what's going on in life. I'll be really excited when I get to sign an official teaching contract.

No really, I did

The Creative Writing Festival is going on at OCU. I love it, I'm glad we do it, I got sick the night before it officially started. Yesterday, against my better judgment, I decided to go to one of the workshops instead of just going home. Bad idea. I ended up writing a sort of poem about snot. Yes, snot. Not only did I write, I read it aloud. I stood in front of people and read a sort of poem about snot. As far as reading goes, once one person went, they called on someone else. I got called on third. I passed, but the gal running the workshop, Diane Glancy, said to just go. I said, "You asked for it," as I made my way to the podium.

Before I started she said, "Now when you get to the podium, you must say "This is good."

I laughed. And then I tried to make excuses. I said this is good for me being heavily medicated. And then I couldn't believe it as my mouth started to open and the words I'd written down were coming out. I finished...and I'm pretty sure everyone in the room understood my apprehensions. Not only was my poem about snot, it was about nothing that the workshop had been working towards. Yes!

My mind hasn't worked in three days. All I can think about is the immense amount of material coming out of my face, and how for three days now, well today makes four, I've really been fearful of my head exploding.

The moral of this story...Don't go anywhere when you're not in complete control of yourself, especially when you'd be better off at home resting, rather than trying to tap the creative genius that is drowning in mucus.

(She shakes her head.)

Ears are ringing

I have that weird delay between brain and outside world right now. I think it's because my whole head is stuffed up. I haven't been this kind of sick in a long time. I slept on two pillows last night so I could breathe. Anywho...

23 days until graduation! YES! 11 days until I start my first official teaching job! YES! YES! I met with the principal at Northwest Classen a week ago today. They need a long-term substitute through the end of the year. She wanted me as soon as I could get in, but I still had two weeks of student teaching left. She tried everything she could with my professors to see if they would let me transfer the last of my student teaching over to Northwest, she even volunteered to be my advisor. It ended up not being something that could happen, and so I wait. Of all of my countdowns, my favorite is 8 more days of student teaching - only six school days. I just look forward to being in my own classroom with my own students, even though my first shot at that is going to be different as I'm taking over for the last six weeks of school. I like different...I love it, and I love the school I'm going to be at. The principal also said that at the end of the school year we can see if it's something I'd like to do next year. I would LOVE to, but there are a lot of if a teacher with seniority in the district wants the job. First-year teachers can be moved around a lot. I've been making mental lists of things I need to dry erase markers! And randomly wonderful art and a bigger collection of great short stories to read. SO MANY THINGS!

Oklahoma in Springtime II

I made my way through and across a few rivers on my way home today. I've never driven through so much water on the roads, I can't remember if I've ever seen it rain so hard. There was a tornado about 10-15 miles away from our house yesterday. Five people were hurt and a few houses were pretty much destroyed. The sky always clears after a tornado. After the storm clouds broke up I went outside and discovered the business of saving earthworms. They'd been dislocated from their lawns and were floating down the water near the curb. I scooped them out with a blade of grass and flung them up to a more natural environment - mud. In addition to so much rain, I have also never seen so many worms together in one spot. I will always be more conscious of what lies below my feet when I walk across the grass.

I sent out the bulk of our graduation announcements last week, and have been sending out the rest in a trickle as I get more addresses. I'm waiting to write to my biological grandmother, Kathrine. I finally have her address, but can't think of what to say just yet. I thought that sending her a graduation announcement might be good because there's a purpose more than just that I've never met her. I am so looking forward to graduation. Just a few more weeks, that's all! I picked up an application for substitute teaching yesterday. I can start doing that as soon as I'm through student teaching, which is on April 20th. I also got a call from Northwest Classen High School today. It was the first school that I student taught at, and I LOVED IT! It is the most diverse school I've ever been to, I can't imagine any school being more diverse. An environment like that is really an amazing place to teach. The school I'm at right now is diverse for what I've known in my personal education, but really it's just the same -Instead of being 98% white, the students are 98% black. Anyway, I'm supposed to call the principal at Northwest to talk about some possibilities for next year. It's my dream school, but this comes after Jake was accepted into the musicology program at OU, which is in Norman, about 20 miles south of OKC, which wouldn't be a bad commute, but it's always nice to be centrally located. By the way, he got accepted at Boulder, CO, and Champaign, IL, but he decided to go from Musicology rather than Collaborative piano. So we're going to be in Oklahoma for two more years. Two more Oklahoma Springtimes ;).

Oklahoma in Springtime

This is one of the most beautiful mornings I've ever seen. The weather is perfect. It's cool, the air is crisp, with just the right consistency. Yes, air has consistency. I can't imagine liking anywhere more than I like Oklahoma this time of year. It's always interesting, the threat of tornadoes included. Oklahoma storms aren't quite as amazing to watch as Arizona storms, most of the time, but when the conditions are right for tornadoes, the sky is amazing. I wish I could send the conditions of this morning out across to all of you who aren't here.


The book that won the Newbery Medal for children's literature, "The Higher Power of Lucky", has the word scrotum in the first few pages. It talks about a dog being bitten on the scrotum by a rattlesnake. There's a big thing about whether or not libraries and bookstores are going to carry it. I'm so not for censorship, but I'm riding on the line of whether or not it's "appropriate" (I hate that word) for the audience it was intended for. I'm teaching sixth grade for the next seven weeks and something happened that really solidified my view...

The bell had yet to ring and there were some students in my class. A few were going back and forth saying, "You ask her."

"No, you ask." It went on for a few minutes and being that this was the first time I'd had the class I thought it might be something like, "Who are you?" I said, "Ask me what?"

"He wants to know what a douche bag is."

So I wasn't exactly expecting that. I had a quick answer of "You probably don't really want to know yet." I felt pretty guilty for that answer because I would have hated getting it, but the group seemed all right. All I could think about was the word scrotum and all this controversy about it. That book is right in there with the age group my students are, and I would not want to have to explain what a scrotum is. Even if I answered it indirectly, in a truthful kind of way, like, "It's part of the body." "It's part of the male anatomy." That doesn't answer everything. They would dig until they got it; it's their job to.

Holding Hands

I don't know why people don't hold hands more often these days, and I'm not speaking specifically about couples. I think that holding hands should be something like a hug. Sometimes when I'm next to someone, I have the urge to place my hand on top of theirs - a simple sign of affection. I guess it's throwing it back to elementary days, where I walked around at recess holding hands with my friends. There's something sweet and personal about it, and I wish it was one of those things people didn't grow out of.

Friday marked my last day at Northwest Classen High School. I'm moving to the middle school at Northeast Academy tomorrow. I'm excited, but also super sad. I was completely comfortable and happy at Northwest. I LOVE the students there and can't believe I won't be their teacher again for the rest of the semester. I also really loved the teachers who I was around every day. I'm going to miss getting to say "Quigley" throughout the day in addressing my mentor teacher (Mr. Quigley). I feel so lucky that I love teaching. I really look forward to going to school and enjoy coming up with ideas to keep things interesting. It keeps my on my toes, and there are very few things that have that ability...I get bored easily, but have a certain power to keep myself from being bored too often. We're waiting to see if Jake gets in accepted at OU and also to get my teacher certification test scores back so I can start applying for jobs. We can also figure out where we'd like to move to once those two things take place. Life is exciting right now, but it also feels a bit like a waiting game...

I would be Ann

When people decide to call me by half of my name, they always choose the first half, and I wonder why. If I had to choose, I would rather be an Ann than a Brie. That's all.

Maybe it's not all. The only people who really call me by just the first half of my name are people who I love an awful lot, so it has become more like a nickname than my name being cut short...

I only have two weeks left at the school where I'm currently student teaching. I'm pretty sad about that. I love Northwest Classen High School like I never thought I could. The students amaze me everyday. It's like the potential of the world bottled up inside of an old classroom with young minds that could be great minds with just the right lesson. One new idea could spark a life-long passion within them. I'm sure I will love my new school just as much, but there's a certain dynamic at Northwest that almost makes me giddy.

I've decided that I want to pursue an MFA in Creative Writing. I don't want to do it, however, until that is all I have to do. I don't want to be teaching full time and trying to wring out the juices of creativity. When I graduate in May, I will have achieved a four-year degree in three years. I didn't really have much time to explore different areas as much as I would have liked because I was so busy with all of my required coursework. I don't want it to be that way when I am in a program specifically focused on writing. I've been playing with the idea of writing a piece that follows a family of illegal immigrants. I want a large focus to be where they came from - how their former home compares to being in a place they had to break the law to get to. I want people to understand why other human beings think it a necessary move to cross the border into a new country...and not just generic surface understanding. I don't know how to go about finding a family to document just yet ;). It might be neat to get several different famililies' perspectives.

I can't wait for May to get here...more specifically Cinco de Mayo - the day we graduate, YES!


Passion seems like such a bold subject line...

I went to a friend's vocal recital today. I don't know what it was, but the whole thing made me want to cry. I love this girl. I think she is so amazing and spirited and true to herself. She was so connected to what she was doing, to the words she was singing and it was so beautiful. I don't know if it's the time in my life or what, just the way certain things affect me. I've been feeling so on the edge of my emotions for the past few days, that at any moment I could break down and cry.

Yesterday I was at an organizational meeting and I found out that a gal at church is going to have a baby. I am really so happy for her, but when I heard the news my heart sunk a little. I could feel that instant emotional distance you try to give yourself from certain things, and my eyes became a little warm. Like I have a grasp, an understanding on why my pregnancy didn't work out, but logic can't take away matter how invincible I feel I am. I don't know if the surge of emotions is due to hormones continuing to re-level themselves or what, but it has been tricky.

While I was listening to the recital I placed my hand on my tummy, I wasn't thinking about anything when I did it, but I just couldn't help but remember the firm, little round belly that was there a few weeks ago. Terminal things are so difficult, even if you understand the why's and how's of it all. I'm learning so much about the relationship between mind, body, and spirit. I feel at times that I am on peaceful, neutral ground, and at other times they are all fighting against one another. One can be a mediator, but which deserves that privelage, would I ever want one in control of the other? No. I don't think so. So for now I will continue to be randomly weepy and look forward to what is in store for me...and take joy in the things I am actively engaged in that bring me such an amazing sense of joy.

The last song at the recial was a worship song: One Pure and Holy Passion. I really loved it. It's about following after God, as most worship songs are, but I loved what it was asking for...

Give me one pure and holy passion
And give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life...

The following line is what the singer of this song hopes will be her passion: "To know and follow hard after You." I've been thinking a lot about how more and more people seem to lack passion for something...for anything. We fall into a sort of gelatainous herd that wiggles and moves altogther. More lives seem more lackluster. Why? What do we crave? What do our souls desire? What brings us joy and makes us laugh and cry and makes our blood boil and hearts feel at peace? What are we truly living for? What do we want to achieve during our time on earth? Why don't we always live for these things...?

Chocolate and Ice

I have consumed enough chocolate in the past week to add up to about a year's worth of regular chocolate binging. There have been a few nights where it has sufficed for my dinner. I know, I know. I think we're getting to the bottom of the chocolate bowl and it couldn't come too soon. My face is a wreck! I am so broken out. I don't solely blame chocolate for that, just the dramatic shift in my diet, WHOA! For the whole time I was pregnant, I hated sweet things. I've definitely made up for that.

An ice storm came through Oklahoma on Friday. I haven't been out of the house since about 3:00 Friday afternoon. I really enjoy nature forcing you to stay inside. I just wish that it wasn't happening over a day off. Oklahoma City Public Schools cancelled school for tomorrow. One of the universities in the metro area cancelled. We're waiting to see if we'll have to go to school at all tomorrow. I'm hoping that the answer is no. The world is so beautiful when it's under a covering of white. I've been tearing up bread and throwing it out the front door for the random animals who didn't make it out in time. I think they appreciate it.

So, student teaching...I LOVE IT! I'm at Northwest Classen High School. I think it's amazing. It's everything I could have ever dreamed a school could be as far as diversity goes. It sure isn't Apache Junction High School where just about everyone was white or Mexican. It also needs some lovin'. It's sort of the step-child school. They need more books! They need more drinking fountains! The students need to read more! I know that doesn't sound too exciting, but it would help them out so much. It wouldn't be busy work reading, it would be very beneficial reading. With reading I wish there was more writing going on as well. These are just some of my observations so far. I'm just so pleased with the overall experience. I really can't wait to have a school that is mine and students who are really mine. It's hard to want to try something new when it isn't really my place to do so...not yet anyway.


Okay, there's no smooth or soft, nice way to say this, so if you read the subject you understand what this is going to be about - It's a little graphic, like PG graphic. You know what's happening, but aren't given great detail.

I started miscarrying on Monday. Quick clarification: I always assumed that when people miscarried, it was this sort of swift, almost instantaneous process that made them not pregnant anymore. It's not that at all. It is quite an amazing process that in some cases can take around three weeks if your body is allowed to do it naturally. So, I haven't "miscarried" just yet, rather I am still in the process of miscarrying. We had a feeling that something might be wrong because my little pregnant belly went away somewhere over the course of being in Arizona. I also lost a few pounds. That's part of the reason why I hadn't posted any new pictures - there was nothing new to see.

Here's what happened:

Monday: I was at a movie theatre to see "The Pursuit of Happyness." I did my ritual, pregnant "go to the bathroom before anything starts." I noticed that I had started spotting. I control a random freak out because I had prepared myself for this certain situation by reading lots of things. The discharge was brownish pink. That color combination equals no worries. I still went into the theatre and pulled Jake out to tell him what was going on. I sent him back in because we were there with his parents and brother. I went back out and called my mom because that's what a girl automatically does, simply for reassurance from a woman who has done the whole pregnancy thing. She was, however, my mom, and while giving me sound advice, it was on the incredibly worried side. I called my Grammy in the restroom because she has been pregnant nine times. I thought somewhere in there she would have spotted. She had and it was like mine and my Uncle Kim happened. She did have a miscarriage to, so I found out what that was like so I would know. I went back into the theatre right as the movie started and would highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't seen it.

Tuesday: I'm still spotting, but it's okay, until that afternoon. I saw some bright red blood mixed in. That's a go figure out what's happening sign. We went to the ER and spent about four-and-a-half hours there. They couldn't tell us anything. It made me feel sick, mad, and frustrated. I was in a hospital and they couldn't tell us one way or another!

Wednesday: I laid low and slept and ate and we celebrated our third wedding anniversary.

Thursday: I went to my OBGYN appointment. My doctor had another ultrasound performed and we finally had an answer: They couldn't hear a heartbeat. I had started cramping later Wednesday night and they were growing increasingly more intense. My doctor said that we could do a D&C or see how my body would do naturally to save me a surgery. I decided to go naturally.

Friday: I went to a meeting for student teaching (which I start on Monday) in the morning. I walked around the mall for a bit, Jake and I went home and then out to get ice cream and see "Freedom Writers." When the previews came out I couldn't wait to see it because what that teacher does is my dream to do. Yay for new teachers and what they can do if they are brave enough to not listen to the stereotypes of "seasoned" teachers. The cramps had still been increasing. They were like mild labor pains - coming and going - only with more frequency and intensity. When the movie got out I didn't know if I could make it to the car. I had never felt anything like what I was feeling. It was constant pain with really big pain that would come and subside and then come again until it was pretty much all the same. We got home and I was doing lots of mind over matter things until I couldn't stand it anymore. I went into the bathroom, stayed there for about an hour and I think the worst of this miscarrying process is over. I passed what I'm pretty sure was the embryonic sac and fetus. It was about the size of a walnut. Let me just say now...if ever any of you have a miscarriage and are as far along as I was, do the D&C. The pain of doing it the natural way is tolerable, but seeing AND feeling everything that comes out is a little bit traumatizing - A LOT traumatizing. Aside from the visual images, I had this really amazing sense of pride. My body was doing what it was supposed to. I was making it through the pain. I was moving passed this.

Jake and I are really doing quite well emotionally. I had my big crying breakdown on Thursday when I thought of "Quackers." It was so sentimental that Quackers would never be anything more than just idea, a future Ben or Cora. The doctor said we will be able to try again after my next normal cycle - which should occur four to six weeks after the miscarriage is complete. We don't want anyone to feel bad around us. We're really okay. It's okay if you don't know what to say. I wouldn't know what to say. My doctor said it best when he said, "There's nothing you could have done. It's just one of those really crappy things that happen."

We're so thankful for all of the support that everybody gave to us and continually gives. We are still looking forward to starting our family. It just won't be as big of a surprise next time ;).


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