My 40 Days

I gave up Facebook for Lent this year. I have done so for the last three years.

The difference?

Easter was 51 days ago, and I'm still not back on Facebook. My 40 days has turned into 91 days and counting, and it has been a blessed break.

I've been able to gather, regroup, think through things without idle distractions, without watching what I was saying because I wasn't sharing. The truth is that my time on social media, via Facebook and my blog, has been tricky at times. It's difficult when my main form of sharing, computing, of understanding has always been writing and sharing some of that writing with others. Involved in any type of sharing is the chance for criticism. I always thought I had pretty tough skin when it came to criticism. I value different opinions. The difficulty came not from simple sharing of opinions and ideas, but from people who took the things I said and used them as a soapbox for their own rants. Lost in their ranting was always the real point of what I was trying to say. My favorite term for such instances has become "Bully Pulpit." Because I care deeply about most of the things I write about, it was hard to see not only ideas, but ME, my character being dragged through the mud.

The criticism didn't stay in the confines of social media outlets. I became the topic of a lot of gossip, mostly by people I love dearly. For as thick as I thought my skin was, I couldn't help but be hurt by that. There's nothing I can do about how people perceive me. I can't change it. But when love is involved... it's very hard to know that people are only willing to accept a very narrow and misconstrued perception of me. People who I thought would dig a little deeper, and wouldn't just go along with the most sensational piece of trash-talk attached my name. I was hurt and disappointed.

The last year has been a time of huge changes. Of expansion in ways I could have never imagined. It was so good to step back, to get away, to be free of those waiting to jump on and twist something I said in any way they saw fit.

What have I been doing with all of my free time? A lot of reading. Yoga. Meditation. Prayer. Becoming acquainted with my new city. Loving on my family. Turning 30. Not cooking (this is so unlike me). Hiking. Beaching. Thinking. Enjoying my time in the wilderness.

I exist outside of Facebook. We all do. :) While I'll never say "never," right now isn't the right time to reactivate my account. But I have missed writing. So here I am. Back at it.

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