Now I think having to be anywhere before 10 AM is a trial. Who cares if I get a shower? Hair is easily pulled back, and deodorant layers well.
My house is always clean, but not always tidy. You're smart enough to know the difference. But just in case you're not: germs don't thrive well, but clutter does occasionally* get out of control.
I'm good at doing laundry if that excludes folding it, but most of the time I avoid it because I know I'll have to fold it [and put it away] eventually.
The hours between 3-5 are insanely difficult. Every day. And I'm not even sure why. Perhaps we're all just sick of each other. But we're probably mostly just tired. Hmm, maybe sick and tired.
I'm better at structure when other people impose it. It's definitely something I've had to work on - something I'm working on. When it's just me, I look like my in-law's dog, Gabby, when she forgot how to swim for a few seconds in the middle of a pond: splashing and flailing about.
There are times when I hate the way I sound when talking to my girls. Like really, was that my voice?
I remind myself a lot to live in this moment. Right here, right now. Treasure these little voices, these soft cries, grunts and giggles. Treasure this special way they need me because they won't always need me like this.
I'm always wishing I was a better mother, as I'm sure every mother does. I've learned a million things about myself already, and I know I've got many more to go. The pull always comes when who I was/wanted to be pre-motherhood clashes with who I feel I am now. I'm trying to make peace with the two.
I know for sure that these two girls were sent specifically to me, and I don't want to squander that most precious gift. They are amazing, and I want to be the amazing mom they deserve. Because I love them.
More than anything.
And then some.
oh, how I know these feelings!! I totally understand the laundry deal. Dustin always feels he is being so helpful when he does all the wash and piles it nicely in the corner on my side of the bed. I guess no one wants to fold it and put it away!! :)
ReplyDeleteMy kids love watching home movies and when they are on the TV it reminds me that I didn't live in the moment enough when they were little. I'm still not very good at it. All I can do is keep trying!!
Thanks for sharing!!
How I know you are the best mom. By Tracey Johnson
ReplyDelete1. Your sweet words like "perfect" and "oh no" come from your Cora's mouth, just as if you said them, because you did. I always hear sweet words from you when you're talking to your daughters. The way you react is the way they'll react and I love to see that positivity in Cora's attitude because of you.
2. All the girls needs are met. And then some.
3. You are constantly thinking of them.
4. You dreamed of them for years before they came to live with you. And now you are living that dream. You seem so happy to be a mom.
How I wish all moms would be like you, Brie. You impress me.
We all feel inadequate no matter what we do. I work part time and get to go out in the real world and I make myself up every day although some days are definitely better than others. I do shower every day although some at 4 pm just before James comes home so he doesn't have to smell me. And I feel like I never give myself 100% to anything I do. My kid, my husband, my job, my church calling. They are all getting a small part and I don't feel that any of them are well done. And it must be a family trait to loathe folding and putting up clothes. I would rather leave them in a pile in a basket that I have to dig through each morning and shake out the wrinkles than have to fold and put them away. Sad isn't it? I look forward to the invention of self folding clothing.
ReplyDeleteSo you aren't a bad mom just a normal one!
I feel like I could have written this, I feel exactly the same way!
ReplyDeleteoh oh oh the laundry....folded or not. I try to keep our room clean...after I fold the clothes like weeks after I do it...there are clothes still on the floor-so I wash the clean ones & the dirty ones.
ReplyDeleteI just want to be w/ Rohnan constantly but he needs naps, I need naps, all of us need naps. I just cherish every moment I have w/ him. I still think I need to spend more time w/ him, but there is never enough time for everything. I write down special moments for his baby book...which I have not even started but soon I will. very soon... :0~
BrieAnn- I know you are a sweet, cherished mom & how I wish I could see you more...
Love you