Languishing

The. Last. Ten. Pounds.

It's official. I weigh what I did after I lost some of the pregnancy weight from Cora. I lost 16 pounds pretty soon after I had her. And then I stayed around the same weight FOREVER! And then I got pregnant with Magnolia, and gained the same amount of weight I did with Cora but from a higher starting point. The good news is that I didn't hang onto an extra-extra 10 pounds after Magnolia, but I'm back to the dreaded last bit to lose. I mean, 5 would even be cool. I just want to break out of this particular bracket. I'm over it. The other good news is that I don't feel stuck in it yet.

I'm super sore after a toning class on Friday. I went to the gym on Wednesday for the first time in a while. Between the weather and runny noses, we've been enjoying the coziness of home. Anyway, all of my muscles hurt with the exception of my forearms, and below my knees. My quads are the worst. It must have been all those lunges. I have my eye on a particular swim suit. I will power through those 75 push ups and those other things I can't remember the name of. I was voted "best legs" my junior year in high school, and I want them back. All told, I'm down about 20 pounds (give or take a few - I never settle on an exact weight amount because I fluctuate a few every day) since October.

Cora is getting smarter every day. She's grasping all different emotions. Today she talked about mad and angry. I love it when she casts a new understanding on a past event. She told me she was angry [at a past event] that someone had taken her toy and wouldn't give it back. She also talks about memories that are really dear to me. She recently relayed walking down our street in Chicago on our way to dinner at Matt and Lisa's apartment. It was rainy out, so we had our umbrellas. She talked about it for quite a while. She's also been mentioning that she'd like to go to Bechago (bee-chah-go, aka Chicago) quite often.

Magnolia started saying Mama. We were driving to Holdenville and she'd started crying because she was getting hungry. In the midst of her tears came out a long, slow MA....MA! I cried a little too. And tonight she said Papa, and I was very proud of her. She talks all the time. I've been thinking about her birth a lot. I still haven't written it down. It's so tender to me. Like I can't explain it yet. After she was born, I felt so awful, so I didn't write about it, and then the memory was just so sweet to savor and roll around in my mind. I had a VBAC (vagnial birth after c-section) with her, and as much as I hate being pregnant, part of my wants to be able to give birth again, with as little intervention as possible. Pushing that little baby out was one of my proudest moments. I'm sure that since I've been thinking about it so often, the actual words on a page will come soon enough.

I started most of out garden in a seed tray, and I'm happy to report we have sprouts. The broccoli, Brussels sprouts, carrots and marigolds have broken through. I like playing gardener. I even picked up some gardening clogs. I did, indeed.

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