I enjoyed looking down and seeing the product of my mind over matter efforts, which is why it seems crazy to say that I had no problem cutting them short again right after this picture was taken. Why?
So I could play this:
I'm not sure what her name is yet. A few have crossed my mind, like Ethel, Lucille, and Louisa. But I know she's mine. After Jake and I dropped our girls off with our friends, Ashleigh and Andrew, we went to the guitar store down the street from their house, and we picked up this guitar. A new pair of running shoes last week and a new guitar tonight. And it's not even officially the day of my birth yet.
I love to sing. Never alone in front of people, but I love it for me. And I've always wanted to be able to accompany myself and work through music that pops into my head from time to time. I'm looking forward to all of the learning that will take place. This feels huge.
After we picked up the guitar, Jake and I went to dinner. When we were done, I wanted to go to the park, play a little music, finish reading a book we've been reading together, and spend some time looking at the stars. It was at the park where I realized my nails were in my way, and I was proud that I overcame the urge to bite them off right there. Jake actually knows how to play guitar, so it was fun to hear him strum through a few things. As day was fading into night, we read the last two chapters and epilogue of Good-bye, I Love You by Carol Lynn Pearson. I've cried every night we've read it. It's the story of a wife and her gay husband, and how she cares for him even after their marriage has ended, when he is dying from AIDS.
When we closed the book and were still in the middle of Harn Park, I had to make sure I didn't wail too loudly. I curled up next to Jake, who was shivering because he was cold, and we looked at the Little Dipper right above our heads.
After a while, we gathered our belongings and folded up the quilt that has been on our bed for as long as we've been married. After spending several hours working on our room this morning, I decided it was finally time to retire this quilt I love so dearly from its bed duties because it's starting to tatter and fray and stuffing is coming out in places. As I was lying on it in the middle of the park, I couldn't help but think about the babies I've brought to rest on it, how my girls come and snuggle with me under it every morning, how they were brought into existence under it. It's a sacred covering to me. I hope that whatever quilt takes its place will be part of such dear memories.
(This was when our quilt was about 3 years old.)
Tonight was a good sendoff for 28, and when I wake up in the morning, I'll be stepping into the last year of my twenties. Whoa. I think it's going to be a good year.
I remember reading that book when it first came out. Unforgettable.
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