With Heavy Heart

14 Mar 2008

I just told a person I admire more than almost any person on the earth that I wasn’t going to be returning to a job I love next year. I want to cry. Not for the decision I’ve made, but for having to tell my principal about it. I was on the phone with her trying to find a time to come in. After a little bit, she said, "You’re not going to tell me you’re not coming back are you?" I was silent for a second or two.

I said, "Well, I won’t be back next year." I really have my dream job as far as teaching is concerned. I work at the best school with the best administration and the best students. But I have a Sweet Cora. I think the weird part is that Jake and I have been discussing this for months. I’d made my final decision a few weeks before I went into preterm labor, but it was mostly between Jake and I. I’ve had to hear good teacher friends telling me about all the things "we" were going to do next year. I went into school earlier this week and another wonderful woman in the educational field ran a course idea by me for next year. In a way I feel like I was lying to them somehow...but the time wasn’t right yet.

My principal told me she adored me and to let her know if I change my mind, and that anytime I want to come back I’d have a place there. Man...I know this is the right thing, but the actuality of it is so heavy.

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