Relief. Anxiety. Relief.

I will start with the best text message conversation I never wanted to have:

The major players are me [B] and Jake [J]

5:22 - B: Come home and get the car if you want to. It's frigid outside.
5:23 - B: Um, I meant to send the car thing like 30 minutes ago.

5:47 - J: Seriously almost got run over. Fell off the scoot and everything. Lady at OCU was backing out of the Blackwelder spots right as I was driving behind her. I'm okay, but my glove and jacket broke my fall. She was freaked though.
5:48 - J: Scoot's okay too.

5:49 - B: Did she hit you or Scoot or did you fall over and out of her way?
5:49 - B: (I'm glad I'm on anxiety meds.)

5:50 - J: I fell to avoid her. She was backing out fast.

5:51 - B: Holy smokes. Are you at the church now?

5:52 - J: Yep. Just a few scrapes. Are you going to mutual tonight?
5:53 - J: My battery is out. See ya around 9.

5:54 - B: No. We're home tonight.

It has finally happened. Jake gets to work on our scooter every day (Our scooter's name is Scoot). He has a one mile commute - no bigs. I'm glad it happened where it did, and not on Classen where him falling over could have meant falling into another lane of traffic. And I wish my text would have gone through because then it would have meant him going a different way towards home to get the car instead of down Blackwelder toward the church. 9 is approaching. The peroxide and Neosporin will be waiting for him.

I went to the doctor yesterday to discuss the anxiety attacks I've been having. I'm so glad a friend referred me to this doctor because she was wonderful. I'm still waiting to hear the results from the blood work, but I started an anxiety medication that should help sort things out in 3-6 months. I've spent the last few months hoping that my herbal remedy [that was a dream in the beginning] would keep on keeping on. I like to treat everything I can naturally. I've noticed an improvement in just one day - my heart has stopped racing. It's been a while since the most random things wouldn't set it off on its fast pace. This is a huge relief. My mind feels at ease. There are some definite cons present so far as well. I went to bed at 9, fell asleep around 10, woke at 11, fell back to sleep around 2, woke up at 3, fell back to sleep at 5, and woke up for the day at 6. 3 hours of interrupted sleep. The sleep thing coupled with nausea hasn't been fun. I took my pill this morning in hopes that it would help with sleep tonight. I need it. I've had a migraine today because of the lack of sleep. One of the side effects listed is excessive yawning, which totally made me laugh. It's like a side effect of the side effect of loss of sleep.

I'm going to spent the next 3-6 months getting to a place I really want to be physically and mentally. I haven't been running much lately, but I'm running a 10k in the Memorial Marathon relay at the end of April. This is the perfect time to get training with a purpose. I also haven't been practicing yoga. Intense physical activity and the calm that yoga brings me are HUGE, and I know I've been neglecting them. Over the weekend, I made a list of things that make me feel anxious. I'm going to continue to concentrate on these things and change what I can and change my way of thinking/approach to the things I can't change. I'm "writing it out." There are some things that I just need to get out. It's amazing what that can do. The last (but not least) thing I'm going to focus on is my diet. I really only want to be eating the best things. I've been concentrating on this for Lent, but not not practicing it perfectly. I'm hoping the side effects will be short lived because I feel like I'm running at about a 51%-49% ratio on the pros and cons. A calm mind and heart - incredible. A completely worn out body that doesn't really care for any food and has a headache - not cool. I'm grateful for what's working so quickly and praying for what isn't - mostly sleep.


  1. Thanks for being smart and brave - smart enough to listen to your body and brave enough to tell about your experience. Do you mind if I ask which medication your doc prescribed? Also, you might consider talking to a therapist for those remaining, nagging issues like the pro/con list or those things that bother you. I know it can help tremendously.

  2. Thank you for your comment. If I knew who you were, I would share which medications I'd been prescribed privately. For as much as I try to be open with what's going on in my head and my heart, I'd rather keep my medicine cabinet closed to the public.



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