Twelve Years

Sunday marked the twelfth year since Jake and I were married. Four years ago, we started going "Family Bowling" on our anniversary as a way of celebrating with the girls. Last year actually ended up being "Family Miniature Golfing" because we were in Arizona, and the girls really wanted to go to Golfland. I didn't mind switching it up a bit because I hadn't been to Golfland in years but have so many fun memories with friends and family there. 

This year, as we were leaving for church, I said "Let's go to Santa Barbara!" Jake was initially hesitant, and thought of all the cons out loud almost instantly. After twelve years, I've grown accustomed to this initial reaction of his. It has been quite deflating throughout the years, but as time goes on, I'm getting better at remembering he speaks as he's processing, and he's getting better (sometimes!) at just going with it. 

Remember all that talk about how marriage is compromise and hard work, and opposites attract? It all certainly applies in a marriage where one is super spontaneous (Me!) and one who can't make sense of things that aren't planned a good time in advance (the other person in my marriage!). Maybe this is why old couples are so good being together in silence: They're both tired of one each other's [you-know-what], but there's no one else's [you-know-what] they'd rather deal with, so they've called a truce.  

So now that you know we're just like everybody else...

Santa Barbara was fantastic! Neither of us, er, not one of the four of us, had been. We spent most of our time exploring the shops on State Street as we made our way down to Sterns Wharf. We took our time and let the girls look at whatever they wanted to. They especially loved all of the cooking gadgets at Sur La Table. Magnolia was so afraid she would fall over the edge of Stearns Wharf that Jake held her the whole way, and she held him. She was mostly okay if we didn't get too close to the edge. I don't blame her one bit. The end of the wharf had no rails! The city was beautiful, full of the Spanish-Colonial Revival architecture that I love, and all against a lush mountain backdrop. We drove through a few of the neighborhoods and saw Old Mission Santa Barbara. 

We headed a bit further west to check out UCSB because that is what academics do. Jake and I actually have this weird superstition about visiting places we might like to end up at some day. So far, every school we've visited that he's applied to, he's been accepted to, so I mean, why not continue the logic that one of the schools we visit might be the place where he gets a job.

Speaking of school....

We've been in it forever. When I say, "We," I mean it. When one member of a marriage is in school, so is the other. Even in the four years between Chicago and Los Angeles where Jake wasn't in school, it still felt like he was because he was constantly researching and continued to publish articles. He is literally the hardest worker I've ever met. EVER. His work ethic borderlines on obsessive, but he's been fortunate enough to work in fields for which he has a great passion. Now if only music and musicology fell into one of those super high roller gigs...

Our time at UCLA has been the very first time in our twelve years where he hasn't been employed. And "unemployed" isn't the right term here because he gets a fellowship when he's not teaching, and a stipend when he is. We both worked all through undergrad, he took on crazy hours while working on his masters so that I could "retire" from teaching and stay home with Cora. He worked at DePaul in Chicago when I was in the throes of HG (hyperemesis gravidarum) while pregnant with Magnolia. He worked 60-80 hours a week at OCU in the four years between Chicago and UCLA. Work, work, work, school, school, school... It sounds weird to say I'm so glad he gets a break while he's in the middle of a PhD program, but I really mean that too.

He's doing cool things right now. This week, he's taking his Special Field Exam. He's planning on defending his dissertation proposal sometime this spring. After that, he has to finish researching and writing his dissertation, which he thinks will be ready for revisions sometime this fall. All of that means he'll be ready to start applying for jobs this fall, too. He'll be doing so ABD (all but dissertation), which can sometimes be a little tricky as he won't defend his dissertation until spring 2017, but I have a great deal of confidence in him and his abilities. It's okay if you all want to start praying with us now that super rad jobs will be open when we're applying.

There are definite perks of someone who is wildly spontaneous being married to a major planner; I don't think there are many people who could rock their way through a PhD program like he is. I've entered into the dreaming stage already - dreaming up our lives in a myriad of places we might end up. I can't help it. I was over living in our teeny tiny grad school housing apartment before I ever moved into it, though I must say, I've made it awfully cozy. But you know how cozy can mean snug, and snug can mean tight? The walls still feel like they're closing in sometimes. Thankfully we live at the edge of a continent, and we get to go stand with our toes in the sand looking out into sky and sea so far that they disappear into one another.

(On Stearns Wharf - it was not exactly sunny SoCal weather)

One final note: We ate at a cute little Thai restaurant (Zen Yai) for dinner before we left SB. At the end of our meal, our server said, "You don't look old enough to have two kids." I told her we were out celebrating our twelfth anniversary. She smiled and, without hesitation, kindly touched Cora's shoulder while saying, "You have a Hot Mama!" I laughed. Thank you, Sweet Server in Santa Barbara, for your total bewilderment at the numbers I was throwing at you. It was the cherry on top of an already wonderful day. 

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Day 413 in Los Angeles: A Year and Some Change

It came and went with little fanfare. It was a day when I was thinking of other things: the birthday of my brother and a sweet friend, the day after my parents' anniversary, which happened to be the day I called to wish them a happy 18 years. August 3rd marked one year of living in this new city. One year, and so much has changed. I've been writing this post in my head for a while (I've been writing many posts in my head for a while).

Just like the day that marked one year in Los Angeles went mostly unnoticed, so did the day several months ago where I finally found a soft spot for this place that is my current home. It went something like this: I was driving somewhere solo with my windows down, and the thought popped into my head, "I live in L.A.." And then it got louder: "I LIVE IN L.A.!!" And then I said it, "I live in Los Angeles." And then it exploded. I GET TO LIVE IN L.A.!!!" I do. And I don't want to just bide my time surviving here. I want to live here. I want to thrive here. This change in perspective was so good. (I think I'd lived here for almost 6 months when it happened.) That's right, I finally like Los Angeles. I might go so far to say I love Los Angeles.

(Tonight's Sunset)

I catch myself, at times, wondering if I allow myself to love it because I know that I will more than likely be leaving it in a couple of years. If I live in this city, I might as well make the most of my time here. And let's be clear, it's not all butterflies and candy hearts and roses. One of the hardest things was the decision Jake and I made to take a break from the Mormon church for a while. We did so at the end of October. I'd initially planned on a 6 month break. It's been 11 months. Moving somewhere and taking away the built-in community was really hard. I've just written and deleted many sentences about the last 11 months, but I don't want to spend any more time on that here. There were so many challenges when I first came, even some traumas that I'm still working through, but I'm making it.  I think I've met my match in this place in terms of keeping it real.

Ways L.A. keeps it real:

It is so crazy stupid expensive. Like ridiculously stupidly out of this world expensive. I would live in an apartment (and one that is likely without charm) for the rest of my life if I lived here expensive. Bleepin' bleep expensive. Like my sweet Dot would be WAY over a million dollars here, probably pushing two million dollars. This little fact blows my mind. I refuse to think this kind of expensive is normal. Or healthy. L.A. knows how to keep a budget real.

This is a city where people come and try to prove something. One of those somethings is that they can make it here. And even with how expensive it is, it is possible to build a pretty sweet life here, but many don't. They realize they could have built a pretty sweet life where they were from. They realize they didn't have anything to prove from the start. They leave. Everyday, people are coming and going in droves. It keeps things interesting, but it also makes for quite the transient population. Yes, I feel slightly guilty for contributing to that. But I'm also trying my best to really be part of the community. To feel a local connection. Make a new friend. Awesome! But they'll likely be gone in six months to a year. L.A. is good at keeping one from getting too comfortable.

L.A. (along with much of California) is drying up. This isn't the city's fault. But it's a reality that is impossible to ignore. It's sad and hard, and it makes it seem so inefficient and irresponsible to be living in a city that can't sustain itself. It's too big. The population is too taxing. It makes me want to head for the hills (not the Hollywood hills), and work hard to create my own little bubble of sustainability. L.A. Is good at reminding me that no matter how much I want something, my part is so small, that I must rely, on good faith, on others to do their part as well. L.A. has been the place where I've finally started taking shorter showers.

I'm still navigating. Still working out my place. But I finally feel like I have a place. My own little spot. My own little space of being.  Here are some things I love:

Driving in L.A.
Yes! It's true. I hate the traffic, but I love driving here!! There's a sort of vigilante nature to it. It's a puzzle. It has a rhythm. People are, for the most part, better drivers here than anywhere else I've been. What I'm about to say will blow you away: they're more courteous too! Yes, there are people are do really stupid things. But for the most part, it feels like a "we're all in this together" type event. People let you in, they make room if you need to turn left, it's great!! But it's different. I understand why they have a bad rap. If you don't drive here, it seems very foreign. But it's a good system. And it works.

Our Apartment
Every single day I think of something I can't wait to have when we move away from our apartment. For example: a bigger kitchen, hardwood floors, high ceilings, a REALLY BIG kitchen, a bedroom that's bigger than 90 square feet, absolutely NO honey oak cabinets, and hot dang, if I ever see a mauve counter top again... Basically, I hate our kitchen. And I don't think hate is a strong enough word. But our apartment has grown on me. I can see Mount Baldy and the sky scrapers of Century City. The street in front of our apartment is lined with Magnolia trees. It really is lovely. We could have had an apartment that faced the parking lot, or another apartment, or even worse, the 405 Freeway. But we don't. I have officially decided that we live in the best building in our complex and have the best view. I occasionally long for a three-bedroom, but I would have to give up my view, and I don't really want to. AND! I feel like I'm sticking it to the city because our apartment is below market value because it's part of UCLA's grad housing. Win/win, even if Jake has had to tell me why I can't redo our kitchen more than once. I would really be doing UCLA housing a favor. Dear Oak: I am so sorry we ever put you through the "honey" and "golden" phase. You didn't deserve it. Nobody deserves it.

(Master Builders at the kitchen table)

The Ocean
If I could spend every single day of my life at the beach, I would. I love it. It is perfect and peaceful, and I'm able to get lost there. I love being there with my family. I love being alone there. I love that I'm so close. 3.5 miles. Because I know we will likely not end up in L.A., I tried really hard not to get too attached. I failed miserably. Everyone needs an ocean to help them feel small and big all at the same time.

The Moon
I have the moon everywhere I go, and L.A. is no exception (obviously), but because the city is so bright, and there's so much going on, seeing the moon peek from behind a building, or rise above the trees - I stop and dwell on it more. When I was a teenager, I made it a point to spend some time with the moon every night. I thought it was magical. I don't spend every night gazing up, but when I do here, it makes me feel more connected to everyone I love. It's still magical, and here it's become even more sacred.

The City
L.A is a big mismatched mess to my aesthetics. There are pockets that are pleasing like Hancock Park and parts of Hollywood, streets of bungalows in Pasadena, little strips of historic "downtowns," etc. But when I'm not in those places it feels like row after row after row of strip malls. But there are so many great places to stumble upon. I love the shops on Abbott Kinney, the twinkle lights on Main in Santa Monica. I recently visited Olvera Street for the first time, and it was fantastic. I was excited about the museums, and they are wonderful and contain amazing collections, but I prefer the museums in Chicago to the museums in Los Angeles by quite a bit. The Museum of Science and Industry blows the California Science Center out of the water. LACMA and The Getty haven't stolen my heart like the Art Institute. There are fun places to explore, but L.A. is not my favorite large U.S. city. There is something disjointed about it, but that is part of what it is, and I've been learning to accept L.A. for just that. I no longer compare it. I no longer spend ridiculous amounts of time thinking about where I'd rather be. I'm here. And here in SoCal with its laid-back vibe is exactly where I need to be.

(Union Station, Los Angeles)

California
When I was a little girl, I always wanted to live in California. I was jealous of my cousins who lived here. When I started my senior year in high school, I was certain I wanted to go to UCLA (or Stanford or Sarah Lawrence, or NYU - but UCLA was at the top of my list). Now I'm here, and not attending UCLA, but I'm in this place in which the little girl who used to reside in me built a dream life. Jake and I are currently making a bucket list to make sure we see so many of the things we're so close to for the next couple of years.

Me
I've been able to do some amazing things this year. I've been with dearest friends as they've become mothers. I was with family as we walked my grandmother from this life to the next. I've explored various faith communities. I've spent a year in mourning, grieving for a friend who took his life shortly after we moved here. I've rekindled old friendships and made new ones. I've found myself locked in a showdown with the dreaded anxiety disorder that I'd hoped I'd kicked for good. I have re-entered the workplace after 7.5 years of working at home with my children. And, oh, my precious daughters, they've taught me so much about resilience and just going with it. They're brave, and being their mother makes me brave. I'm learning and growing and being and becoming. Always becoming.

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This is the day we hung stuff on the walls.

After my 11 days post, my friend Lisa told me she didn't hang things up on the walls of her apartment for 9 months after she moved to Chicago because it didn't feel like home. I sent her a picture of all of our pictures either sitting on the ground or still in boxes. 

Today was my day. The gold frame may or may not have been lowered three times. There were a few times where I was sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by pieces of art that we're collected over the years, my fingers pressed to my temples, and my mind seeking visions for where everything should go. There are seven other pieces not shown in this photo that have a place on our walls, and as I type this, I'm quite certain three of those pieces will trade places.  

I've only clustered art once before, but I love how all of these big over-sized pieces work together on our "piano wall."

I'm tackling my room tomorrow. And my bathroom with the lone box of bathroom stuff that really wants me to unpack it. Did I mention we have two bathrooms? Yep. First time ever.

In other news: My friend Stacia challenged me to post three positives for three days. I'm going to do it. Right here on my blog. Here goes:

1. We had the missionaries over for dinner tonight. Which means I've made the best meal of our Los Angeles lives tonight. I felt like me. Happily plugging away in the kitchen making food that's good for our bodies. We ate the sun tonight. And I enjoyed the Elders' company. It's fun to hang out with 19/20-year-olds who come from small Utah towns and spend time in South-Central L.A.. 

2. Honey Pacifica Creamy Wildflower Honey is a life changer. I bought a small jar at Whole Foods a few days after we got here because it was the only one I could find on the shelf that was sourced locally. Yesterday we finished it off. Today I bought the BIG jar. I'm pretty sure I'm going to start buying bulk. Dear Everybody and their Sister/Brother: If ever you feel like gifting me something and aren't quite sure what to get, I will always happily receive this. For real.

3. During dinner, my girls made olive fingers. They've done this many times before, but something about seeing them do it tonight was so perfect and wonderful. They're comfortable and happy in this change. They're with me, and I'm with them, and that makes my heart feel like bursting with love for those sweet Lovey Doves. 

In other other news: I was challenged to the ice bucket challenge. I publicly accepted, but I'm running late. I haven't a bucket, am not going to go buy one, and my big pot has been taken up with soup. I will likely be dumping ice and water on my head tomorrow, but let it be known that I donated to two charities this morning and will get to a third I've been meaning to support (initially I wanted to support them by donating my time), but I got busy with moving and can no longer physically show up because of the distance between me and this organization in Oklahoma doing good work.

PS: Friends who use wide angle lenses. I'm in the market. What's your favorite?   

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11 Days

We've lived in Los Angeles for 11 days.

Our stuff has been here for 9 days.

I left my Dot Spot home 20 days ago.

My Girls said goodbye to their Gram 15 days ago.

I left a dearest friend and Oklahoma 14 days ago.

Yes, two weeks ago, we started out on this journey of grad school [again]. I can't help but compare it to our first adventure with grad school that took us to the University of Chicago and Hyde Park. I remember after we'd been there for a week, my little family [which then consisted of Jake and eighteen-month-old Cora] was taking an evening stroll through our neighborhood. We were passing our church building, and I told Jake I felt like I was cheating on Oklahoma for how much I loved Chicago already. It instantly felt like home, and my only complaint was the family who lived right above us and how they let their children run around way into the wee hours of the morning (it was really frustrating, especially for a light sleeper who was with child).

I wish the second time around brought with it such instant comfort. In reality, I've been stuck in a rut. I hate admitting that. I'm usually so good at just rolling with it, but I'm quite certain I've slipped into a bit of a depression. One I've kept hoping would turn out to be crazy hormones. Perhaps it's a little of both. Hyde Park and Chicago were so much easier to explore. We walked everywhere we wanted in our neighborhood and took public transit almost everywhere else.

It's obviously not that easy in Los Angeles. We're in a good part of the city, not too far from many things. And I'm grateful for the rent we're paying for UCLA graduate housing. It gets us in a good spot and easily saves us at least $1,000 per month compared to the market value of comparable apartments. We can walk to quite a few things, but most of the things we can walk to aren't really places I want to go too often. I mean, I guess I could make it super cool to hang out at the grocery store. After the exploring that we've done - that usually takes us to the beach - I've decided that if I could handpick a spot for me on the west side of L.A., it would be Santa Monica. What I couldn't walk to would be easily accessible by bike. I'm trying to get over this hurdle.

I felt like I'd explored everything I could in Oklahoma City, but it was easy to live there. It was easy to go take part in all my faves, and then go back to my cozy home in my lovely neighborhood. Maybe part of my rut is a lack of hardwood floors. ;) Seriously, though, I haven't lived in a dwelling this new….maybe ever? I think it's newer than our first apartment at Cokesbury on the campus of OCU. It's nice for grad school housing. But it's not at all charming. And this city isn't very charming. There's a lot to see and do, but it doesn't have the lovely architecture of Hyde Park, and the lovely old homes in Mesta Park. Besides the ocean, there isn't much eye candy for me. And I'm all about aesthetics. It's mostly a lot of getting from point A to point B. There is a life-sized cow sculpture in the front yard of a home on the way to Cora's school. It's quirky. I love it. I'm glad it's there.

Because I can't quite handpick the spot in this city I want to be in (and I've quickly come to understand that being in the right spot in this city is pretty important for its enjoyment - just like any city: I didn't love where we first lived in OKC when we moved back from Chicago because of the whole car dependence thing), I'm trying to find things that aren't superficial to keep busy with. I don't want to wish away the next 4-5 years that we'll be here for school. They're part of my life, my life will be happening in all of those years. But there is something difficult about going from being somewhat established/comfortable, minus Jake's crazy hours at work and basically non-existence at home, to being anonymous. From an old bungalow to sterile grad housing. From a school we LOVED to a school that's good so far, but to which I'm still warming up. I don't want to think, "We've been here for almost two weeks, only 206-258 weeks left."

I think it will help when Jake is in school. We had to move here pretty early for Cora to start school, but Jake doesn't start until the end of September. I'm used to being the queen of my castle with occasional visits from the king who's usually gone on business. I haven't been letting my freak flag fly the way it usually does. The way it needs to.

Okay, now that everyone knows I'm having a bit of a hard time, I want to share some things I've found enjoyable here:

1. There is a magnolia tree outside my bedroom window.
2. We're a family of four living in less than a thousand square feet, and it's working. Still some things to figure out, but we were a family of three in Chicago bursting at the seams in 1,300 square feet. I like the direction we're heading towards minimalism.
3. The smell (in most places). I don't know what plants/trees are emitting it, but when I walk outside of our complex, there is a deliciously sweet smell in the air.
4. The weather. Wow. Perfection.
5. The ocean. I can't even tell you how happy I am to be close. Here's my first post from Chicago. I tried to pretend like Lake Michigan was the ocean. I have the real deal here.
6. Jake's PhD program. This was his top pick. He's here, we're here. I'm excited for him.
7. I got some dreamy new dishes. This was a really big deal. I left all my Fiesta in Oklahoma. All of the bright vibrant, glossy stoneware. I wanted white. All white. And that's what I got. I initially wanted Wedgwood White, but then I found out that this charming English china maker outsourced the making of this line to Indonesia. I could have spent quite a bit of time trying to collect older pieces of the collection with the "Made in England" stamp on the back, but I found the Apilco Tuileries collection, and it had the same low lovely profile of Wedgwood White, but instead of a British company that now produces its ware in Indonesia, it's a French company that still produces its goods in France. I don't know why that was so important to me. It was a huge decision for indecisive me. Now I just need to find the perfect reclaimed wood shelf to display it on. I didn't think the shelf part would be so hard.

I think it's been strange trying to let myself catch up. I went from "We applied to 8 schools for PhD programs" to "We're moving to L.A.!" Then we went into get Dot ready to sell mode. Then we sold her in less than 24 hours. Packing, closing, preparing to leave friends who are all kinds of wrapped up in my heart. Driving halfway across the country, signing a lease on an apartment we'd never seen, working through the randomly complicated details of getting our stuff here, enrolling Cora in school, settling in. So many things. Big things. And there's a check by all of them. It's a relief, but it's weird to not be on the edge of my seat waiting for the next big task that I need to tackle. Is this where I breathe? Is this where I finally take the time to figure out if I want to go back to school too? Years. That's how long it's been on my mind.

I had it narrowed down to midwifery or architecture/historic preservation. Could it be more opposite? Maybe. I'm passionate about both things. Empowering women and birthing mothers in the birthing process. Studying/creating/designing/repurposing spaces - adding beauty and usefulness to our built environment - which I've always been so incredibly fascinated by. I've been leaning towards architecture/historic preservation. It floats my boat. My favorite textbook in college was my art history text, and my favorite chapter was the one dealing with architecture, specifically the section on green architecture, and by green architecture, the author was talking about repurposing old structures to have new uses and remain viable rather than be demolished. (My second favorite textbooks where ethics/human rights. And the class I got the highest grade in was psychology. I never missed a question on a test, and on one test, the scantron machine misread the last 15 question of my exam, and marked them wrong. When I showed my professor, she'd already set the curve to the person who'd missed the next highest amount of questions, which gave me like 115% on that exam. Social work, public policy, urban planning, and PA school have all been on my list as well.) I'm still holding out to see how all of our schedules will work out to see if it finally feels right to get down the business of working towards a career I want to spend the rest of my life doing.

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More Comings and Goings of Fall Break in Chicago

 We saw a lot of other great spaces for Open House Chicago. While in the Daley Center, we learned that everything is custom in the building. The doors, the windows, the floors, even the white paint is custom and fittingly named "Daley Center White." The architectural features are custom because the building wasn't built using the standard 12 grid scale. I think it was built on an 11 grid scale, but that is sketchy in my memory. In order to retain landmark status, everything must keep the designated color scheme. That means no custom paint colors in offices. While I thought the artificial lighting in the areas without windows was oppressive, I really appreciated the minimal design elements.

 

A hallway in Daley Center

The Kemper Building was built in 1962 and was "the tallest marble-clad office building in the world when completed. It had Chicago's first 360 degree observation deck on the 41st floor, but it had been closed for almost 40 years, that was UNTIL it opened for OHC this year. It had wonderful views of the city. Kemper also had pictures of other Open House sites all along the observation floor, so you could look out and learn a little bit about the building you were seeing. It helped us pick a few more spots to go see. I hope they will permanently reopen it. 

Kemper from the north side of the river

   

W/NW view from the observation deck

Lake Point Tower had two areas open. The point that got us there was the circular restaurant [Cite...that's the actual name of the restaurant, not a note for me] with 360 degree views of Chicago and Lake Michigan (and on a clear day, Michigan, Indiana and Wisconsin - it wasn't a clear day). The other area was the 2.5 acre rooftop garden. It's three-stories up on-top of the parking garage. It's undergoing renovations, and we led by a landscape architect who was explaining the changes they were making/had made while attempting to keep the whole thing true to Alfred Caldwell's original vision. I enjoyed hearing the details as well as having an inside look at the original design elements. So much thought goes into things that are unintentionally overlooked.

 A view of the rooftop garden. It has a pool, "lagoon," waterfall, bbq area, etc. It was lovely. I forgot to ask how much room there was between the landscaping and top of the parking garage.

The Inland Steel Building was my favorite modern skyscraper. Hands-down. I don't know if I can pinpoint exactly why just yet. I suppose it's for the same reason I love Roosevelt's Auditorium Theatre: the innovation in design from decades ago is still striking to me. The space surprises me, and I love surprises. We just went up to the second floor as the entire building is being renovated. The building is essentially two towers, one for elevators and bathrooms, and another for completely unobstructed work space. Having things like elevators and bathrooms separate allows for uninterrupted floor to ceiling, wall to wall, window to window, wide open space. And I love that. We entered the building just as it started raining - the crazy downpour, an umbrella isn't going to cut kind. Jake and I were also the only ones on the floor. It felt like a quiet perch just above ground level. 

Inland Steel Building

The new Wabash Tower at Roosevelt University was fun. I love the Auditorium Building most because I love old buildings, but I love what the university was able to give to their students. The classrooms are amazing, and still some of the best views in Chicago. I also love the design of the building in contrast to the Auditorium Building is seems to rise out of. And let it be known that from the 15th story up is student housing. That's right. How would you like to score the penthouse dorm room overlooking Chicago? Me! Do-over. 

The wavy Wabash Tower rising above the Auditorium Building. You enter into the Auditorium Theatre at the street level under the tower of the AB (can you see those "little" arches? That's where).

The Fisher Building is an old office building that has been converted into [mostly] apartments. We saw a model apartment, and the highlight of the apartment was the wallpaper. The building hallways were neat because it still looked like the occupants were small offices. All the doors were wood with class insets with a business name painted on. The transoms were also all still there. It was interesting. Much cooler than most apartment building hallways. The highlight of this building was on the second floor. There are two businesses that remain in the building, one is the leasing company, another is Wheeler Kearns Architects. Wheeler Kearns was AMAZING! The office was visually stimulating with hundreds of models all around. All of the architects had a workspace in the middle of the main area. We slowly made our way around looking at everything, and on the last leg of the loop, our friend Matt asked one of the architects a question about their use of models vs. newer ways like 3D printing. That is where the magic happened. It was so fun to hear this architect talk about his craft. He answered more questions and I loved his passion for his work as well as his work being a sort of fulfillment of his childlike wonder, creativity, and craftiness. His words fed me.

 Fisher Building

The opera balcony wallpaper that was so super rad

A view of Kearns and Wheeler Architects on the second floor of the Fisher Building.

The Reva and David Logan Center for the Arts was celebrating its opening while we were there, and also was part of OHC. It's the new arts center at the University of Chicago, and they announced construction plans while we were there in 2009. It was fun to see the finished product. The building has something going on in every corner. The art studios, scene shop, several rehearsal spaces an many more areas had glass walls. I think it would take me forever to get anywhere because I would constantly be stopping to look at what was going on. We explored this place from top to bottom, pausing for a while in the Performance Penhouse to listen to a jazz ensemble. My respect for jazz has officially multiplied. It was amazing. Amazing is a stupid word for it, really. It was an experience. A moment I decided to fully embrace. After the jazz group, we found a classroom full of chairs on wheels. I think we would have stayed there for much longer had it not been designated as a green room for the jazz performers. Highlights of the building: the wheely chairs, the classroom that had window walls that completely open up to the outside, the Performance Penthouse, the "transparency" between spaces, the creative juices that were a flowin'.

Logan Center

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Some Comings and Goings of Fall Break in Chicago

We got home from a great trip to Chicago last night. Every night we stayed up until 1. We rolled out of bed between 8 and 8:30, ate lunch at 3, dinner between 8 and 9, etc. I've decided that's a pretty sweet schedule. When we got into town on Friday evening, we got the parking spot right in-front of Matt and Lisa's apartment, which is no small feat. (We didn't move our car (I've decided her name is Olive) until we left Tuesday morning.) We ate dinner at Medici, our favorite restaurant in Hyde Park, and were delighted to see they now have dairy-free cheese. We had a Margherita pizza, and while nothing will ever top the spinach goat cheese pizza, it was completely satisfying. So were the fries. I love Medici fries with the house bbq dressing as much as I love the pizza, maybe more.

On Saturday we headed downtown to take part in Open House Chicago festivities. Last year was the first year for OHC, and it is awesome. Dozens of buildings open up to the public. It floats my explorer boat. We decided to see the big performance spaces that were open, and made our way into other buildings along the way to each one. And while the buildings and views are definitely the best part, a major perk is that it's all free.

We saw the Civic Opera House first. The most impressive part, to me, was the set for Elektra, the opera that was going to show that night. I liked the lobby better than the house, but my mind is still trying to grasp the six-story fly space above the stage.

 

Next was Oriental Theatre. There was so much detail. While in the house taking it all in, I wondered/worried what would happen if one of the ornate plaster figures decided it didn't want to be stuck on the ceiling anymore. The theatre itself was putting on a show.

 My favorite theatre space was the Auditorium Theatre that is now part of Roosevelt University. The Auditorium Building was finished in 1889, and was the tallest building in Chicago and the largest in the country. The building was comprised of the theatre, office space, and a hotel. Roosevelt University now occupies the entire building, plus a new highrise addition. And let it be known that Roosevelt is one of my favorite places in the city. The building is amazing, and the views of Lake Michigan are perfect, plus there are inspiring quotes by the namesakes of the university (Franklin [and Eleanor] Roosevelt) throughout. Eleanor Roosevelt dedicated the school "to the enlightenment of the human spirit." I feel something like that when I am there. 

More about the building: The ground underneath is 100 feet of soft blue clay. Because of the weight of building, they needed to come up with something to keep it from sinking into the clay. The architects/builders ultimately came up with a wooden foundation that would stay wet and essentially float above the clay to prevent settling. The foundation is continually kept moist by the original aqueducts that carry water from Lake Michigan. The foundation has settled. A lot! The tour guide said it is typical for foundations such as the Auditorium's to settle 10 feet. The Auditorium Building has settled 20-25 feet. The floors in the lobby are wavy, it's amazing. And some parts, especially in the balcony, which is six levels above the house, don't seem like they could still be sound with how much they lean. 

Not only is the building an architectural feat that amazes me, the technology that was originally infused still seems revolutionary. The stage has a false proscenium that they can fly out to expand the opening of the stage from 47 feet to 75 feet. There are also hinged ceiling panels that were operated by huge cranks that could block off the upper two balconies to make the space appear more intimate. The crank system no longer works, but it should! I want to see those babies in action. Go here for more detail about the building and all of it's super awesomeness. 

 

Roosevelt Auditorium Theatre House

 

Roosevelt Auditorium Theatre Stage

 

Cross-section of the house. 

Can you see the curved ceiling panel above the upper balcony? And the hydraulic lifts under the stage? One must walk across one of three catwalks to access the upper balcony. I was holding onto something the whole time I was up there. If authentic can describe a space, that's what this one was, especially when compared to the other two theatres we saw, which were amazing, but I feel like I could spend days (probably weeks) exploring every little corner of this place.

PS: All of the light bulbs in the Auditorium Theatre are replicas of Thomas Edison's carbon filament bulb. The glow is stunning.

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Pistachio Velvet

A long, long time ago [I can still remember when], we were about to move to Chicago. We had the floor plan for our apartment, and I was making plans. I really wanted some pistachio velvet channel back chairs. I didn't find them, but I found some great wingbacks instead. When we moved to Dot, we sold the wingbacks because I wanted something with a lower profile. 

Somewhere a long the way, getting close to, if not more than, a year ago, I walked into my father-in-law's shop, Vaughn's Cabinets, and I saw some of the most beautiful chairs I'd ever seen, even with the bottoms falling out. They weren't channel backs, but they were pistachio velvet. My heart went pitter-patter, but they were sold. A few weeks ago, my brother-in-law posted a few pictures of the new store at the cabinet shop, and there the chairs were, with fixed bottoms. The buyer never came to pick them up. My heart started palpitating again, and when we were in-town over Labor Day weekend, I asked if they did layaway because we're still really poor until October.  Lucky for me that was pretty much a deal, and they were ours. 

I've been patiently waiting for the end of the month so we could cut a check, but Parker (the BIL) brought them up this afternoon on his way to the airport. They are lovely, and I'm so glad they're finally home.

I love old chairs with squishy, bouncy springs. Won't a little table with a mason jar of fresh flowers on top be sweet between them?

And I super love the shiny lacquered honey colored arms and legs.

On to more serious news, Dot is making me nervous...

Exhibit A

There were no cracks in the walls when we bought her. We did have an earthquake last year, and Dot is built on a crawl space. I don't know if it would take that long for cracks to show up, but for real...We want to remodel our bathroom this fall, but I guess it's par for the course: We moved in and replaced the hot water heater, and not long after, part of our sewer line. The fun parts have taken a backseat. 

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Exhibit E

Yes, that's five all together. From what I can tell, the cracks are all on what's left of the plaster walls, which are much more prone to just cracking on their own, without scary things like foundation issues. Most of the ceilings, except for in the dining room are sheetrock, as are about half of the walls. Hmm. To call a structural engineer or not....

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[not so] buried treasure

I was reading through some of my posts just after we moved to Chicago [September 2009]. It was such an exciting time. I couldn't believe how quickly our apartment came together [and here and here], nor how quickly we got out and felt comfortable with our new city.

I was in awe at the joy and optimism of the time. It was so exciting, and the girl writing had no idea what was coming her way in terms of a reality check in so [SOOOOO!] many ways. I miss that joy. I think it's finally safe to say that we regret leaving Chicago, but for whatever reason we ultimately felt compelled to, we are on a different path. I don't know if anyone who met me post-Chicago could understand the ridiculous optimist I was.  There was no fair and unfair in my world, only new ways to make lemonade. I think I am finding ways to be joyful again. It has taken me almost two years to figure that out, and admittedly, it's a choice I struggle with more often than I'd like - and perhaps a bigger struggle because it used to be something I didn't have to think twice about [and not because I was always happy, but I always had this inner-well of something that kept me moving].

All of this leads to the post I read that made me stop and think the most. It's about Getting Older. And I just want to say: "Dear 24-year-old me, thank you for knowing exactly what your 27-year-old self would need to read someday. Truly. I am grateful for whatever inspiration that would cause me to not only write down those feelings, but to be compelled to call on them again."

Isn't is funny how easily we can forget the things we already know?

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Eternal Flame

During our last year-and-a-half of undergrad, Jake and I lived in a teeny tiny apartment complex called Waverly Gardens just north of Nichols Hills. Every day we would make the trek from our little home to OCU down the same path. We'd make our way to Wilshire, over to Western, passed Chesapeake, and eventually onto Classen, rounding the big curve around a small neighborhood and Rose Hill Burial Park until we we saw Belle Isle Station. Every time we did this, we'd pay homage to small oil/natural gas site (I have no idea what it really is) marked by a flame. We lovingly named it "Eternal Flame" because it never went out.

When we were in Chicago, everyone started talking about the Classen curve. I had no idea why this stretch of road had become so significant to people. The most significant part to us was that flame. I mean, we gave it a sort of theme song and everything. When we moved back, we saw what everyone was talking about. Our beloved stretch of morning commute had been developed into a series of restaurants and stores called none other than the Classen Curve. There's even a counterpart across the street called the Classen Triangle that has a Whole Foods and will be getting an Antropologie.

Every time I drive through there now, I can't help but admire the great use of the curve and the fabulous architecture that makes that little spot in the city so interesting. In all of it's new awesomeness, the best part is still seeing that flame, and while not super hip, it survives.

Here's to you, Eternal Flame.

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Languishing

The. Last. Ten. Pounds.

It's official. I weigh what I did after I lost some of the pregnancy weight from Cora. I lost 16 pounds pretty soon after I had her. And then I stayed around the same weight FOREVER! And then I got pregnant with Magnolia, and gained the same amount of weight I did with Cora but from a higher starting point. The good news is that I didn't hang onto an extra-extra 10 pounds after Magnolia, but I'm back to the dreaded last bit to lose. I mean, 5 would even be cool. I just want to break out of this particular bracket. I'm over it. The other good news is that I don't feel stuck in it yet.

I'm super sore after a toning class on Friday. I went to the gym on Wednesday for the first time in a while. Between the weather and runny noses, we've been enjoying the coziness of home. Anyway, all of my muscles hurt with the exception of my forearms, and below my knees. My quads are the worst. It must have been all those lunges. I have my eye on a particular swim suit. I will power through those 75 push ups and those other things I can't remember the name of. I was voted "best legs" my junior year in high school, and I want them back. All told, I'm down about 20 pounds (give or take a few - I never settle on an exact weight amount because I fluctuate a few every day) since October.

Cora is getting smarter every day. She's grasping all different emotions. Today she talked about mad and angry. I love it when she casts a new understanding on a past event. She told me she was angry [at a past event] that someone had taken her toy and wouldn't give it back. She also talks about memories that are really dear to me. She recently relayed walking down our street in Chicago on our way to dinner at Matt and Lisa's apartment. It was rainy out, so we had our umbrellas. She talked about it for quite a while. She's also been mentioning that she'd like to go to Bechago (bee-chah-go, aka Chicago) quite often.

Magnolia started saying Mama. We were driving to Holdenville and she'd started crying because she was getting hungry. In the midst of her tears came out a long, slow MA....MA! I cried a little too. And tonight she said Papa, and I was very proud of her. She talks all the time. I've been thinking about her birth a lot. I still haven't written it down. It's so tender to me. Like I can't explain it yet. After she was born, I felt so awful, so I didn't write about it, and then the memory was just so sweet to savor and roll around in my mind. I had a VBAC (vagnial birth after c-section) with her, and as much as I hate being pregnant, part of my wants to be able to give birth again, with as little intervention as possible. Pushing that little baby out was one of my proudest moments. I'm sure that since I've been thinking about it so often, the actual words on a page will come soon enough.

I started most of out garden in a seed tray, and I'm happy to report we have sprouts. The broccoli, Brussels sprouts, carrots and marigolds have broken through. I like playing gardener. I even picked up some gardening clogs. I did, indeed.

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Hemoglobin is a funny word

Jake has been sick. On Saturday, it came on all of the sudden. I'd already mentioned how frightening his symptoms were, and how they made me wonder if this was the beginning of the end. He is being treated for a gastric ulcer. It has been bleeding quite a bit, so last night we went in to have him checked for anemia. The normal hemoglobin level in a male is 14, his was 9.2, but they don't start transfusing until 7. He's taken quite a hit from blood loss. The first plan of attack consists of him taking 80mg of Prilosec every day to see if the ulcer will start to heal itself and stop bleeding. If the bleeding doesn't stop in 3-4 days, he's going to be treated with a series of antibiotics to treat the bacteria H. Pylori (a major cause of ulcers).

We're not really sure how long he's had it, but he lost 15 pounds basically out of nowhere in the last months of last year. He also has had an ache in his abdomen about two inches below his sternum. It's an on/off kind of ache. It started happening after we were sick with that horrible stomach bug on Christmas Eve. It's just so weird that something can be going on in your body without being aware of it. Especially to have the severity of his symptoms come on all at once.

In other news: I didn't get dressed today. I remember thinking, before I had kids, that I would always get ready for the day. Nope, I don't. I've been working in Cora's room for the last few days. My first order of business was to get her butterflies back on the ceiling. She asked about them every time she saw them. I had to cut the strings they hang from this time because she's so tall, and I didn't want her reaching up and yanking them down. I hung the curtains from our living room in Chicago yesterday. I know they've been washed, but they smelled just like our apartment. Today, I made room for a clothes rack for her dress-ups that will be getting here on Saturday (Did you already guess that Vaughn made it?). When we moved in, Tracey gave Cora these cute little flower hooks that I haven't ever hung up because I'd been waiting for just the right spot. I'm into stations/centers, you know, just like in kindergarten and first grade. She has her book nook with a bookshelf and chair. She has her art station with her easel, and now she'll have her dress-up spot with clothes and flower hooks to hang accessories from. I like her room. It's eclectic. I can tell I'm the one decorating it right now. I can't wait to see what sort of flair she'll add to it as she gets older. My room was always all about collections. The focal point was the top of my dresser with my treasures - including an angel clock, a small silver jewelery box that I kept all the teeth I lost in, and four balance mobiles. Those were so rad.

PS: I got on to post something last night, but got seriously sidetracked by my stats. There was a website listed as a referring URL that I didn't recognize with some very unflattering words, I clicked on. Major porn site. Major. I clicked out, but then I was like, WAIT?!? Why is my blog linked to a porn site? I clicked on the link again hurried down through looking for anything that links to my blog - nothing. Then I did some research, and I don't know how it works, but blogger URL's can be spammed by sites looking for more hits. I fell into the trap. I clicked on the link to their site, giving them a hit (twice actually - ugh). So, if ever you're looking at your stats, and you see an unfamiliar URL that you can basically bet everything you own on being a site with less than desirable content, don't go there. If you're really concerned and doing the super "I'M GOING PRIVATE RIGHT NOW" freak out, give it a few days and see if you get anymore hits from that site. You probably will not, and you won't have to endure the myriad of images I wish I had not seen. I do, however, have even more resolve to teach my girls how to grow into self-respecting women who know the real value of their bodies, and if e'er I have a son, to teach him just the same. I couldn't help but think, in retrospect, those faces and "parts" were all someone's baby, and how sad that thought made me.

PSS: That could have been a record long PS.

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Chicago

It's been a long time coming.

I have to remind myself why we left Chicago. The last five months have been a series of tearful remembrances and abrupt snap-out-of-its. It comes down to this: We left Chicago because being there was no longer fulfilling the long term goal we'd had in mind. We needed to step away, regroup, have full-time employment. We stepped away. We make ends meet every month. We have charted a new course. But still, there is a nagging. An aching.

Today while eating lunch, Cora said "I miss Chicago." She looked around the living room and said "this is not my favorite house, I want my building house." About a month ago, she said something very similar, about wanting her building. [This is where I get sad, and can feel the tears well up in my eyes.]
I'm an explorer. And Cora happens to be one as well. Every time we made our way through the four doors required to get to the street, an adventure was awaiting us. Hyde Park Boulevard was always interesting. When we moved back to Oklahoma, Cora, Magnolia and I would sit on the front porch, and I couldn't wait for people to pass by. I wanted to see someone, anyone, but it rarely happened/s. We pull into our garages and go into our houses, and that's that. Little boxes.

I miss the sense of community, the feeling that we're all in this together. I miss our shared yard, and the amazing neighbors we had. I miss Nicole and her four kids, and hearing Tiffany and Malachi make their way to the top floor. I miss the jumble of strollers at the bottom of the stairwell and Cora always pointing out whether or not Mia's was there. I miss Bryce's big head, and I wonder how much hair he has now. Let's be real though: I don't miss our upstairs neighbors and their crazy loud walking/running/who knows what above our heads at all hours of the night. I don't miss communal laundry or wondering what school Cora would go to. I don't miss dismissal time from Kenwood Academy and the yelling conversations of the students as they would pass by on their way home. I don't miss not being able to see the stars every night. That's all. That's my what I don't miss list. One more: I don't miss wondering what we were supposed to be doing with our lives [I'll let you in on all of that someday. A clue: it involves books].
I miss our church, and the lake, and Milennium Park, and the museums, and Lincoln Park zoo, and downtown. I miss walking to Promontory Point and 57th street beach. I miss public transportation, and walking almost everywhere, and Hyde Park Produce. I miss the tree I would watch from my window that turns golden in the fall. I miss the boiler. Our apartment was right above the boiler room. The first time it came on, I was looking out every window to see if a tank was rolling down the street. I thought I'd never get used to it, but I loved falling asleep to it, and I loved how warm our floors always were. I miss Dr. Hampton, and I can't believe she won't deliver any babies I might have in the future. I miss the numerous random interactions with people every day. I miss looking into the eyes of the woman who was always around the corner of 51st and Lake Park. I miss Matt and Lisa. And a lot of other people. And a lot of other things.[More tears. I try not to think about it much.]

I've really been trying to focus on all of the things we've been able to enjoy since being back in Oklahoma. I especially enjoy being close to family and making it to a lot more get-togethers [even if we didn't have the hay ride this year. The hay ride is a remarkable occurrence at Jake's grandparents' farm. It's my third favorite holiday. Not a holiday, you say? Pish posh, you've obviously never been. October 2011, Peepaw? Okay, sounds great!]

Trying to stay positive helps sometimes. I really am on a teeter-totter of constantly reminding myself that our overall reason for being there had become obsolete. But today, when my little Coco uttered those honest words, I wanted to break down, scoop her up, and tell her how much I miss our building house, too.

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This Floral Chair

Today I woke up with sinuses full of snot and a migraine caused by lack of sleep. Jake and Cora went to the pharmacy and picked up some Zyrtec, and then to Hype Park Produce where, among other things, he picked up some sea salt for Neti Pot. If you are an allergy sufferer and don't have a neti pot, you should get one. I used it a little while ago, and oh sweet relief.

Chicago has been in the upper 80's, and I believe some 90's are on the horizon. This is the land of awesome old buildings without central air conditioning. Our apartment is a blazin'. I've resigned myself to the den, formerly known as the guest room. It's the coolest room. When we rearranged everything, we moved a large floral chair in here. I am glad about that.

This has been one of my all time favorite chairs since I first laid eyes on it on July 7, 2003. It was sitting in my not-yet in-laws living room. It had all of the perfect colors, and two people could fit in it. I was happy to inherit it way back in our 495 sf studio days, even though it totally clashed with the couch and was way too big for the space. I haven't always had the perfect place for it, but it has stayed with us.

As I'm sprawled out across it, two fans pointing at me from different directions, with my belly bulging up from the center, I am certain this is the perfect place for it right now.

Bless you, Chair. I promise you a thorough cleaning when we get back to Oklahoma. You will get to grace the sunroom in the apartment I'm still praying we'll get to reside in. And I will read Dandelion Wine in you at the start of every summer we get to be together.

PS: Tomorrow, two families I know who are supposed to have children go in for surgery. One is for her hand, and the other is for his heart. You can send good thoughts and lots prayers their direction.

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A Preview

Here is a preview of our apartment. The living room is the most put together right now. We're really close to being done, just a few boxes left in one closet. 

 

 

 

We are loving living in Hyde Park. Tonight we're going to a free concert at Millenium Park put on by Lyric Opera Chicago to open their season. On Tuesday we went to Oprah's kickoff party, and I saw Oprah and Fergie up close within like 3 minutes of one another. Our neighborhood is beautiful, the lake is my pretend ocean, and the people have been so very warm. I am so happy to be here.

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Our Apartment in Chicago

We got our housing assignment for Chicago! We will be two blocks away from Barack and Michelle, and not even a whole two (0.3 miles to be exact). It's 1.4 miles from our house to the music school. There is a park behind our building, and our apartment overlooks a fenced yard.

Here is a link to the building.

Here is a link to the floor plan. Our apartment is the top right out of the 3 bedrooms.

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BWAHH

I'm getting so excited about Chicago. We turned in our housing application a few months ago, and we should know what building/apartment we get about a month before our move-in date, which is labor day weekend. In the meantime, I look up info about Hyde Park, explore as many of the streets as possible using google street map, check out free museum days, look at maps of the trains, check out farmer's markets. Sigh...

We sold Fit today. I liked him a lot, but I like being a one car family again, and NOT having a car payment. We sold it back to Carmax. Their offer was for less than what we owed, but after we get the refunds for canceling the extra warranties we bought, we'll come out a few dollars ahead, YES...but until then, our accounts are looking a little [lot] bare.

We took a load of boxes to Holdenville yesterday. It was nice to get a few out of the house. We also rented a U-Haul for that move. I'm really excited about being in H-ville for the summer, but I am a little put out about the job prospects. Hopefully I'll be able to sub for the first few (like two) weeks of school. I'm really excited to stay with the in-laws. I'm one of those lucky people who likes them. Hopefully we'll still like eachother in a few months. ;)

For now I'm trying to "feel" cooking. I don't want to buy any food besides the basics. I'm having to get creative...we could have spaghetti every night. It's just so tempting to call Mazio's on Monday (Large one topping carry out special) and Wednesday (Calzone carryout special). I think I can fight it a little more with the afore mentioned account balance...inhale - - -exhale. phew.

I'm getting close to packing my dishes away. Sad day... I keep telling myself that it will be so fun to open all of these boxes in 2.5 months in a new home in a new place. I hope I forget some of the things I have so it will be a real surprise.

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New Couch

Jake and I just returned from a furniture shopping extravaganza. I believe we circled the store at least 4 times. And we ended up purchasing the first couch we asked about. The frame is discontinued, so we got a SMOKIN' HOT deal on it...even though Jake said it would have been a better deal if it's was like $12.

The leather felt so cool and wonderful. It was soft, and I scratched it a bunch [the sales guy said I could], and nothing showed up. The only thing I wasn't super sold on was the nail head trim, but it sort of fades in. I just can't wait to see it with bright floral pillows. I've decided that our Chicago apartment should always look like it's in bloom so I can make it through the winter. ;)

Here is a picture from Broyhill's website [It's the Bromley model]:
We will miss our super sweet sort of Greenwich sofa, but I think we'll be okay.

PS: I love this fabric for curtains
And this rug...

Both are from IKEA. :)

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